zaboraviti | Someday, Someday, Maybe

“My DEAR. Did I ever tell you what my father, the great Broadway director Irving Sparks, always said?”
“Well, uh, yes, you have mentioned a few …”
“To his actors, I mean. Before each run-through? The best advice for actors I can think of.”
I try my best to lean forward from the sunken seat of my chair. My throat feels dry. My heart is beating fast. I don’t want to miss a word.
Barney looks into the distance with a dreamy expression from his almost prone position, and then turns to me and speaks so softly I have to strain even farther forward to hear him.
“He said: ‘Remember, kids. Faster, funnier, louder.’ ”
I’m trying my best to stay forward but the chair finally wins and sucks me back into its depths, the cushions deflating with a sigh. I’m sucked backward but I’m still gripping the arms of the chair tightly, waiting for him to continue, but he’s turned his face away now and seems lost in a happy memory.
“Wait, I’m sorry. That’s it? That’s the best advice he ever gave?”
He returns his chair with a lurch to its regular upright position and wheels himself back to his desk, clasping his hands again and returning his light blue gaze to me. “Yes, dear. That’s the advice. Why? You’ve heard that before?”
“Well, yes. I mean, of course. It’s a famous expression. Everyone’s heard that.”
“Have they, dear?” he says, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “How wonderful!”
“But, I guess,” I begin, fumbling for the word. “I guess I always thought it was sort of a, a joke?”
Barney looks confused.
“I mean, not a joke exactly, but, well, it makes it all sound so simple, I guess. Too simple.”
He gives me a long look, then draws in a breath so deep it whistles. “FASTER—don’t talk down to the audience, take us for a spin, don’t spell everything out for us, we’re as smart as you—assume we can keep up; FUNNIER—entertain us, help us see how ridiculous and beautiful life can be, give us a reason to feel better about our flaws; LOUDER—deliver the story in the appropriate size, DON’T be indulgent or keep it to yourself, be generous—you’re there to reach US.”
Barney takes a few gulps of air and beats his fist just once on his chest. “There you go, my dear. It might SOUND simple, but if I know you, you’ll spend your life dedicated to getting it right. And that’s it, my dear. THAT’S the whole banana.”